


Human

by ThatWasntSoBad



Series: Phoenix Shepard/Kaidan Alenko [1]
Category: Mass Effect, Mass Effect Trilogy
Genre: F/M, Fluff, Mutual Pining, post feros
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-27
Updated: 2020-04-27
Packaged: 2021-03-02 02:20:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,150
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23877568
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ThatWasntSoBad/pseuds/ThatWasntSoBad
Summary: The transfer of the cipher took a lot out of Phoenix Shepard. It's tough for her to be unwell (as she processes what was meant for Prothean physiology) when she's expected to be the Hero of Elysium. Sometimes, what she needs is a reminder that she's a human being.
Relationships: Kaidan Alenko/Female Shepard
Series: Phoenix Shepard/Kaidan Alenko [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1720840
Comments: 8
Kudos: 9





	Human

Phoenix brought the cup of hot chocolate to her lips. Warmth cascaded over her upper lip, steam gently veiled the tip of her nose. Sweet cocoa graced her tastebuds, flavoured with a hint of toffee syrup. On the plate beside her was the crumbs of recently eaten honeyed toast and in front of her was the blank page of a document. 

The transferal of the Cipher had been a taxing, yet important, experience. Initially, she waved the after-effects aside, believing that they would fade. But the jumbled mess of images meant for Prothean physiology made little to no sense; anytime Phoenix tried to make sense of it all, it would hurt her head. Like trying to learn a foreign language. A fifty thousand-year-old foreign language that has little to no evidence that it existed. Just as elusive and mysterious as the race it once belonged to. 

She looked pale, so the other crew members would remind her out of concern. She certainly  _ felt  _ like she looked it. She felt a little nauseous, nothing that she assumed a good rest would take care of, but she got a once over from Chakwas in case it was something entirely unrelated to the Cipher. It was recommended that she should take it easy for a few hours if it was at all possible. 

Phoenix forced herself to eat  _ something  _ and she crashed for a couple of hours, only to wake up covered in sweat. A cold shower helped with her temperature, but water pounding her skin - shivering at the droplets that felt like ice until she was nearly numb - did little to aid the pounding headache.

She set her cup down momentarily and pressed her forehead into the palm of her left hand. She sighed through her nose and closed her eyes, mentally running through the events of Feros for the twentieth time that hour. It was unsurprising that nothing came up with any starting point for her to go from.

Still, she needed to write something. Anything.

Phoenix took another sip (although it was more like a chug) of her cocoa and began typing the events at Zhu’s Hope and the Exo-Geni Building in bullet point format. Perhaps later in the day, when she had recovered and her mind clearer, she could write the report. Right now, she just… needed to go slow. Or, as it seemed to feel, so slowly she may as well have stopped.

She finished her drink, clicked her knuckles, and began typing away, ignoring the lingering ache at her temples and the heaviness of her eyes.

____

  
The cold of the desk on her left hand first alerted Phoenix to her unwilling nap. Her cheek was pressed to her forearm, her right arm behind her left. It took a few moments to realise she had fallen asleep, but it took even less to notice she wasn't alone. 

She felt a hand on her forehead, warm and comforting. In that brief moment between the sleeping realm and the waking world, she thought it was linked to a recurring dream. Until she heard a quiet sigh of relief. 

The hand moved away and she couldn't help but quietly grumble at the loss of contact. Her hand twitched. She wanted to reach out and grab it, put it back on her head, and fall asleep again. 

Phoenix slowly raised her hand, then sat up. She stretched her arms out in front of her on the desk, then ran a hand over her face and yawned silently. Her eyes watered at the action and she blinked as she looked to her right, in the direction of the door. 

Kaidan was in her line of sight, crouched to be at her height. It was unsurprising, considering his station was outside the door, and it was a welcomed sight. 

"How long was I asleep for?" 

"Hard to say, Commander. I only came in a couple of minutes ago.

Phoenix nodded quietly in thanks as she looked away, but she sensed he wanted to say something. She looked at him again with an encouraging look and pulled up a chair from behind her so he could sit. "Talk to me, Kaidan. You look troubled."

"It's not that, Shepard. Not completely. You haven't looked well since the Cipher, you have a temperature. Is everything really okay?" 

Phoenix's eyes widened a fraction for a moment. It was a surprise - usually, no one would mention it, expect her to be okay and continue about her day. After all, she's  _ Shepard,  _ the  _ Hero of Elysium.  _ She was used to having those she worked with show little concern (apart from Anderson) and those who asked didn't ask again after she repeated the all too ordinary 'I'll be fine' line. 

But it was, when she realised, unsurprising. They were close enough the be considered friends, but even so, they had already begun to show an interest in each other in a way that was more than… acceptable… as part of the same crew. 

"I…" She looked away for a moment with a frown. Then she sighed. Showing vulnerability had become difficult - it was part of the job description when you were both commander and a symbol for the whole human race. He'd divulged in personal matters, showing trust. She trusted him so much it would be easy to overshare. 

He showed her patience, not saying anything to encourage but also nothing to force it. 

"I don't know. In the grand scheme of things, I'm fine. I'm not injured, I'm keeping positive, focusing on the present, taking one step at a time. But the Cipher took more out of me than I thought. Maybe I'm more stressed than I feel or something. I… I don't know." 

"What did Chakwas suggest?" 

"She told me to rest. Which I did. I was feeling exhausted before I slept - woke up sweating and nauseous. Then came this splitting headache. But I need to get this report done so I had some pain medication, which did sweet fanny-adams, and managed to get down some bullet points before I… fell asleep again."

"Have you eaten? Drank anything?" 

"I drank some hot chocolate, ate some toast…" Phoenix looked at the Lieutenant with her brows knitted in curiosity, eyes slightly narrowed. "Kaidan, what's your opinion on our mission to stop Saren?" 

He seemed to think for a moment. "We'll stop him. It's going to be hard, sure. He  _ does  _ have a head start. But I'm optimistic. We know what he's after, we know where he’s heading. He knows we're coming. We know his warship indoctrinates everyone that comes close. Saren is probably under its influence and doesn't even know about it. But we have what he doesn't."

"Oh?"

"We have you."

She frowned a little at that, though mostly out of confusion. "Me?" 

Kaidan leaned forward in his seat, looked her dead in the eyes. "Saren sees you as either another human or a pesky human that's done the impossible. He's going to be relying on a spectre. But we have  _ you,  _ Shepard. Hero or not, you're motivational. Inspiring. I doubt Saren could say the same about himself."

"Kaid, how do I inspire you?" It was fine that she was inspiring for what she'd done - not that she would recommend anyone do what she had to do out of choice. But did she inspire him any differently? Was she anything more than the hero everyone saw?    
  


He almost laughed at the question, taken by surprise, she surmised. But there wasn't much hesitation, other than a moment to string thoughts together. "You know, I thought you would be… different. I mean, you hear all the stories and you paint your own picture of someone. I guess I thought you'd be going in, all guns blazing, in and out, get the job done and move onto the next. But it was pretty clear to me on first meeting that you weren't the heroic figure the media paints you as being larger than life and above everyone. You were… an average human."

"Jee, thanks, Alenko." She feigned hurt. "What a way to boost a lady's confidence."

“I walked into that one, huh?" She heard the amusement in his voice, saw it in expression when her feigned hurt was replaced with a teasing smile. "What I mean is, you spoke to everyone in the crew. That's like the most famous celebrities speaking to the film crew and making them feel welcomed and part of the production. You have a presence, sure. There isn't much you can do to quash that. But you broke a barrier and showed an interest. You listen to people's opinions and help everyone, whatever their race, background or how different they are. You treat everyone like a friend. Not many XOs would do that."

Phoenix leaned forward a little. She put her elbow on the desk and rested her cheek in her palm. This wasn't a formal meeting. As far as she was concerned, she was, technically, off duty until she stated otherwise. He could relax. "You're allowed to relax and be honest. How do I inspire  _ you _ ? If it's not my service history, what is it?" 

"You're more than your heroics and you show that every day. You don't threaten people just because you can. You stay true to yourself. You speak to the colonists and help out when you can. What you did on Elysium was nothing short of amazing and you could easily take all the credit, but on all the interviews you don't. From knowing you, I could never imagine you taking all the credit for anything. It's thanking your crew, praising colonists, calling the fallen heroes. And you're not saying it all to look good back on Earth. You mean it. You're compassionate and humble, but you're level-headed. You have self-respect and you know what you can do, but you're not stuck up about it. When you don't understand something, you try to even if it makes you feel like you're not getting anywhere. You take one step at a time. You're more than Commander to me, Shepard. You're… you."

Phoenix allowed herself to smile at the Lieutenant's sincerity. She supposed she looked nothing like a commanding officer, with her cheek in her palm whisky she smiled. She felt like it was the first time she'd been complimented on anything other than her files. 

"That means a lot, Kaidan." She lowered her hand, allowing it to hang off the table. “Thank you.”

  
“You’re welcome, Ma’am.” Kaidan straightened in the chair as he spoke, then he stood. “James received a transmission from your uncle. He wants you to contact him when you have time.”   
  
“Thanks for telling me. I’ll get to it right away.”   
  
“Aye, aye, Shepard. I’ll leave you to it.”

He gave a salute and turned on his heel. Phoenix watched him leave and stared at the door or a moment longer than necessary. She shook her head with a smile that said ‘I have it bad’ in what could almost be considered welcomed exasperation, or amusement. At herself mostly.   
  
Kaidan treated her… like a person. There wasn’t any walking on eggshells. When he slipped up and called her by her surname, she was  _ glad _ . Maybe it was because she had this niggling care for hi that want beyond friendship - that was certainly a part of it. But  _ any human  _ on the ship could call her Shepard and it would be empty or strange. He asked if it was out of line. Of course, regulations would say yes, but she wasn’t offended by it. To her, he wasn’t breaking personal boundaries. Then again, she suspected falling for him had formed a bias.   
  
How could she not care for him? That was the question. He was the only person who had checked on her that had made her feel better. Just from having a conversation. 

She doubted anyone on the ship would say that she inspired them. Not as she knew herself. The story of the Blitz had been told so many times she hardly recognised the story  _ she  _ was being told. It wasn’t as heroic as people made it out to be - but it wouldn’t have made a good story back on Earth. 

It was nice to be treated as an equal, a friend, a confidant. 

She opened the top draw on the desk (which she had installed a few days before) and ran a brush through her hair. Sick or not, half asleep or wide awake, she was the Commanding officer on the ship.

  
She opened her terminal and answered the incoming transmission.   
  
“Major Shepard, sir.”   
  
“Phoenix, you can cut the formalities. We have a situation concerning Batarian Slavers and Terminus pirates. There’s too much information to share over transmission o we’d need to talk in person. I’ll be in your location in less than six hours.”

  
Duty waited for no one.


End file.
